An Interview with a Coaching Client. Learn more about Trauma Informed Coaching

On March 5th, I interviewed a client who I have worked with both individually and in the group coaching setting. She willingly shared her experiences with me as a reflection of the work she has done over the last year. Throughout the interview I asked her to explore and explain some of the key elements of Trauma Informed Coaching that she has participated in.

Krista and I met in January 2023 at an online viewing of the movie “Resilience” hosted by Cendie Stanford founder of ACES Matter. Krista was there to learn more about Adverse Childhood Experiences(ACES) and how they impact youth, specifically she was beginning the development process for Refuge 5:11, a Ministry for Women with Children who are homeless. We connected around the idea that all involved with the development of a Ministry or Non-Profit where there are services being provided would benefit and be most effective if they understood the impact of Adverse Childhood Experiences not only on the people they are serving but on their own lives. Why? Because understanding ACES builds the capacity for Empathy! Listen and learn more.

Krista shares how she learned how to “choose to see the positive outcomes of challenging times” and how that choice required her to change her mindset. She shifted from becoming aware of how she was sometimes judging herself and her experiences to how she could accept that things “just are”. By listening and waiting she could turn inward and answer some of her own questions building more confidence and clarity. As she reminds me I often say “It’s your journey, not mine”.

One of Krista’s goals was to stop drinking alcohol so we began her journey by taking an inventory of her values and what was important in her life. At that time she was beginning to develop the concept of Refuge 5:11 and we tied her life to how she wanted to support change in the women served by Refuge. We explored addiction and recovery and how they stem from ACES. She shares more about this in the interview.

Krista participated in the group coaching program I offered “Building Healthy Relationships using Trauma Informed Principles and Practices.” She was able to take what she learned about herself in 1-1 coaching and apply the principles learned in Group Coaching and have pretty immediate insights into how she could realize desired change with the significant people in her life, including her children, husband and parents.

With courage and clarity Krista will share some very challenging aspects of her journey, and how recognizing them as experiences from the past she could step away and let them pass through her. She decided that God was using Refuge 5:11 to encourage and allow her to do some work on herself and build empathy through her new found awareness.

Some people are fearful about exploring Adverse Childhood Experiences. It can be very uncomfortable, emotions do come up. As a coach it is my responsibility to hold space for my clients while they experience those emotions. I will often put my hand on my heart and let them know I am here. Yes it’s O.K. to cry and feel these emotions. They are part of the journey. Krista does a beautiful job sharing how being uncomfortable is part of the journey AND how she has been able to find peace, calm and freedom on the other side of this challenging work.

She found this experience to be so profound that she had decided to become a life coach herself as she learned that being there for others who have had a similar experience is so important.

“Being present” and “being there” mean not asking for anything.. noticing the pattern…let things go. Krista explains what that felt like. We also revisited how writing out an affirmation that spells out the time, place etc that an outcome is desired can be effective in achieving your goals.

Since our brain is wired to protect us from bad things that can happen to us, fear is our go-to mindset. However, on the other side of fear are those positive experiences that you weren’t expecting to have happen. And when we grow, we are able to recognize that and have more positive experience and the emotions that go with them and then the mindset shifts from fear to possibility.

Who doesn’t have challenges with “in-laws” and the relationships that our children have with others. Krista turned her challenges in relating with her growing family into a new way of building a stronger relationship with her daughter. She turned the limiting belief “she loves the mother-in -law more than me” into an opportunity to reflect on her real intention… to give her daughter something she didn’t have. All while repairing her relationship with her Mother and coming full circle!

Woven throughout the interview are the Trauma Informed Principles of Safety and Story as well as Boundaries. Krista like many women and men wants to be of service and “help others”. We explore how important it is to “help ourselves” and value “self-care” as well as asking for help and supporting others without telling them what they can or should do.

Is life perfect for Krista now? Absolutely not! She continues to get “discombobulated” and feel the uncomfortable feelings of anxiety, anger, fear… however, now she has tools to get back “in alignment” so she can think clearly and make healthy connections with others.

The major outcome for Krista and all of my coaching clients is that they experience what it means to “be the change you want to see in the world!” !

How would your life be different if you knew what it felt like to feel seen, heard and safe?

How would your relationships change if you were clear on what makes a “healthy relationship” ?

How would your purpose and passion for being of service to others be more meaningful and powerful if you understood the impact of Adverse Childhood Experiences on your life?

How would it feel to be your “true authentic self”?

When is the last time you felt playful and curious?

Coaching is about “moving forward” and taking a person from where they are, to where they want to go.

As Krista summarizes so well, Trauma Informed Coaching helps to determine what limiting beliefs are related to past trauma and without digging deep come up with techniques to shift the mindset.

Krista and I are both grateful for the work of Susanna Liller and her description of The Heroine’s Journey so beautifully laid out in her book “You are a Heroine” which is also available in an online class.

Thank you Krista - I love this quote: “Be the Change, Join the Journey!”